


Castaway

by Rens_Knight



Series: Another Set of Eyes: A Star Wars Alternate Universe [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Literature, Sci-Fi, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 14:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10901262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rens_Knight/pseuds/Rens_Knight
Summary: The burden of being different lies heavily on the spirit of a young Ben Solo--and all the more so for a powerfully telepathic child who canfeelit whenever he is surrounded by callous disregard.  Even more crushing is the burden upon the child of two of the most famous and sometimes controversial figures in the New Republic.To whom can Ben turn--and to whomwillhe turn--to help him navigate this confusing and often painful path?





	Castaway

**Author's Note:**

> _This story in the_ Another Set of Eyes _AU was written in response to this prompt given to me for_ Star Wars _Month by[MasterOf4Elements](http://masterof4elements.deviantart.com) , to write about "Han and Luke sharing the responsibility as being the strongest male examples in Ben's life and how they missed or ignored the signs he was being pulled to the Dark Side." I do hope **Masterof4Elements** will forgive the liberties I took with the prompt; while I am definitely focusing on the dynamics of the male influences on Ben Solo in this story, my view of the Solo-Skywalker family dynamics is quite a bit different from what I see as the "normal" interpretation...so while I will certainly also be addressing the growing danger of the Dark Side, and the male figures in Ben's life, I will have to go where the story goes for the rest, which won't quite be on track with the prompt as it originally was._

  
**"Castaway"**

****

  


The mood in the cockpit of the _Millennium Falcon_ was positively funereal.  Neither pilot nor lone passenger wanted any part of this flight, and that fact kept them united for--how much longer now?  Ben stole a glance at the dash chronometer.  Thirty minutes until emergence from hyperspace.  Thirty more minutes until his parents were lost to him until...Force, it felt like forever.

Disappointment gnawed at Ben's stomach like a parasite from within.  Dad had lost one final argument.  _The Argument_ , as far as Ben was concerned, one that had run hot and cold and finally, in the last round-- _hot, so blazing hot_ within his mind and heart that it scorched.  

He'd done his best at first to resist the temptation to listen with his heart from his bedroom.  But he had anyway.  The Guardian in the Dark had long told him that it would be so: that there would be secrets kept from him, decisions made without him, things that concerned him.  And that there would be fear.  Fear of him.  Fear of his power.  So, against the first impulse within him--the one that told him not to take advantage of Dad's inability to recognize his actions through the Force--Ben had listened.

And it had chilled him-- _sickened_ him--the realization that once again, the transient, deeply resonating voice in the Force that Ben privately... _always_ privately...thought of as the Guardian in the Dark, had been right.  This was the _truth_ , the cold, hard truth, devoid of sentiment, devoid of lies and denials.  Why should this proof once more of the good faith of the Guardian in the Dark leave him feeling so ashamed, so torn?  The voice had counseled him not to allow himself to get caught up in guilt over the discovery of things he couldn't control, not to let that stop him from doing what he had to do to keep himself safe.  So he had done it.  He'd taken that step--he'd listened and learned.

Yet he still felt as though he'd betrayed his one true ally.  If moral support without the power to really and truly _do_ anything for him counted as a real ally.  Ben took a deep breath, struggling to collect himself before his shame played across his features.  He loved Dad more than anyone else in the world.  Of that, he was sure.  _How_ could Ben think such things about him--even if they were...true?

Why did he feel so turbulent inside?  And why was the one person to whom he longed most to pour it all out, also the one person who would always and forever be the least able to comprehend?

It wasn't that Dad didn't try.  Force knew Dad tried harder than anyone else in the Solo family circle combined.  Ben would never forget the day in second grade when Dad had had enough of his son coming home crying because the other kids in class had figured out that _something_ about their resentment, contempt, and morbid curiosity about the strange, Force-sensitive boy, in and of itself, was enough to hurl little Ben into a screaming, fetal ball curled up on the classroom floor, utterly consumed with terror at the knives in their minds, the knives they loaded into a mere word, a mere touch, and threw with abandon.  And how Ben feared the glee they felt, when he-- _The Ben-sect_ , they chanted--cried and tried to crawl under the desk as if it were the shell he didn't have, to _get away_.  And all the teacher would ever do was shoo the other boys away and then chastise Ben for 'acting out inappropriately for attention' when all he longed for was to be anywhere else, somewhere else quiet and safe from prying eyes and vicious minds.

So Dad had stormed into the classroom one day when he was in port, before all the kids had finished filing out of the classroom, demanding to know _just what in hell you're_ thinking _, Ms. Nylah, letting those kids terrorize my boy!_

_I'd think you'd be a_ little _more concerned about the fact that Ben lets completely insignificant little pokes and teases send him flying into a screaming hissy fit that he should've grown out of by the time he was_ three _!  You'd think someone tried to throw him into a bonfire alive, the way he carries on!  His behavior is_ completely _age-inappropriate, and probably pathological, if you ask me!_

_Well, guess what, missy--I_ didn't _!_ Dad had fired back.  _The only thing different,_ not _'pathological', about Ben is that he's Force-sensitive, which means that things come across a lot stronger to him sometimes.  He's not sick, thank you very much...you just need to spend some time getting to know--_

_\--your special little snowflake?  Look, you're not the first parent to come parading in here demanding I show their disorderly or nonperforming child some sort of preferential treatment--_

_\--and how about starting with_ some _kind of_ compassionate _treatment, as in, the basics you need to be keeping up with to_ do your job--

\-- _and making up some fancy new disorder-of-the-week to try to justify_ why _?  Every child in this class, including yours, if you'd bothered to read the report the school sent home at the beginning of the year, has been tested for learning disabilities and neurosensory disorders, and Ben's results were all within thresholds.  So don't come barging in here trying to tell me_ how to do my job _!_

_Well, apparently I have to!  I can bring you all the documentation you need to prove his Force-sensitivity; everything you need to know has been well observed, well proven.  The 'normal' tests won't pick up the full extent of it--but there are other ways, tests that were used in the Old Republic for thousands of--_

_You can bring me all the paperwork you want, but the_ fact _is that 'Force-sensitivity' is a mythological disorder, and is_ not _recognized by myself_ or _the school board.  It's a load of pseudoscientific hooey, Mr. Solo, so I suggest--_

_Y'know, I really,_ really _hate pulling rank, but it's_ General _Solo, and I_ staked my life _on that very real load of 'hooey' to get us out from under the boot of the Empire, so don't you stand there and gimme that!_

_If this is where Ben's been learning his social skills, then guess what,_ General _Solo, this is the democracy you created, and we have the right to set our policies according to how we judge the evidence!  Whatever wild reason you had for fighting, you had better go home and take a good, hard look in a mirror and then start modeling proper behavior for your son instead of validating his excessive sensitivity with these kinds of outbursts of your own!  Now, let me be clear about something else,_ General _:  it's only_ because _of what you did during the war that I haven't already called the police, and I_ strongly _advise you to remove yourself from the property with your son_ right now _before I change my mind!_

__Ben had never forgotten the roiling, boiling waves of righteous, protecting anger radiating off of Dad, all aimed at Ms. Nylah, at saving him--Ben--from the terror he faced at school every day.

Nor had he forgotten the horrifying one-two punch of realizations that came after that: first, that despite Dad throwing everything he had in him at Ms. Nylah, he had still lost...and second, that the classroom hadn't been empty.  He'd been watched the entire time.

Ben _had_ ended up moved into Ms. Lightwell's class--Dadhad won _something_ , at least.  Ms. Lightwell had lived up to her name and looked at Ben as something more than an inconvenient mess, and made an effort to keep some sort of equitable discipline in the classroom.  But the whispers came out anyway when she had to step out of the room, or he was out of her sight at recess or gym.  That's when the kids escalated to full-on chants, tolerated by a vengeful official silence by the administrators who hadn't wanted to give in to the demands of General Han Solo:

_Ben-sect, Ben-sect, watch him scream and yell,_  
_Ben-sect, Ben-sect, go crawl into your shell!_  
_Ben-sect, Ben-sect, watch him run to Daddy,_  
_Ben-sect, Ben-sect, his dad'll smack his heinie!_  


He could still hear their awful voices ringing in his memory as if it were yesterday. _Ben-sect, Ben-sect, watch him run to Daddy..._ it had made it so much worse, so much more _personal_ \--

Until the Senate moved from Chandrila to Coruscant in the middle of the school year, and Mom and Dad had asked if he wanted to go ahead and move even though it would mean catching up with a whole new class.  Ben's cheering 'squirmy-dance' had answered the question as clearly as if they'd heard his answer in their hearts.

So he'd left _The Ben-sect_ behind, at least.  And for a while, things were kind of all right.  The Coruscanti kids were a lot more diverse, lots more different species among them and different ways of thinking and acting, so even his 'funny, nosey accent'--they meant 'nasal,' referring to the Corellian accent he'd picked up from Dad--didn't earn him much more than a gentle ribbing.  He could _feel_ the difference between that and the Chandrilan kids whenever they'd start up the _Ben-sect_ chant.

And better yet, from what Mom and Dad said and thought, the kindly Sullustan woman who stood not much taller than her students actually believed the Force was real, even if she didn't feel anything for herself.  So at least on Coruscant, things weren't always _easy_ , but they really weren't too bad.  The teachers there always saw to that, and even after Ben moved up to third grade and beyond, Mrs. Dorb was still there to lend a friendly, listening ear after class whenever he needed it.  

Mom had done her work in the Senate, and Dad, whenever he was home, spent all the time he could with Ben.  Oh, did he _ever_!  That was the best thing about Dad: the time he had at home, he really knew how to make it count.  How to really, completely be _all the way there_ , all the way immersed in the moment, all of his heart and soul poured out towards Ben and the fun they shared together.

It wasn't that Mom didn't also love him--Ben could feel that she did even if she didn't say it out loud as much as Dad--but her mind had a habit of not leaving all the worries from work to snooze at the office until the next day.  And sometimes she was taking holocalls at all hours.  Then there was the undercurrent of something else Ben couldn't help picking up through the Force.  Tension.  Confusion.  Distrust.  The Guardian in the Dark--he'd had something to say about that.  _She's afraid of the Force, and what it could do.  What_ you _could do.  That's why you must never speak of me to anyone.  Ever!_

_I haven't, I promise_ , he'd thought back, same as he always did on those occasions when conditions--he didn't know _what_ kind of conditions, not yet--let the Guardian in the Dark make one of his brief contacts.  He'd drawn the Guardian a few times at school, what he imagined he looked like: a great and armored warrior, strong, proud, and all-seeing...but he'd told everyone it was just an imaginary character, just a cartoon design of his.  It was _partly_ true, anyway, the part about it being his own design.  __

_I'll never tell_.

Occasionally a part of him still wondered, though.  Wondered if he should tell Dad.  Even if Mom wouldn't listen, or did the opposite and freaked out and tried to ban him from the Force forever.  But...the Guardian in the Dark was so often _right_...even...and _especially_...when Ben didn't want him to be.  He didn't dare put that lifeline in jeopardy.  He didn't _dare_...especially not now, not when he was about to lose Dad, Mom, and just about everyone he loved, except for Uncle Luke.

And all because he'd been afraid and angry.  And--no, _or_ \--the other way around: because the fear that the Guardian in the Dark had foreseen growing in those around him as he matured was coming to fruition.

The Coruscant years had come to an end, though one that Ben had _not_ been seeking this time.  The family moved again, this time to Hosnian Prime, pullig Dad off the lucrative trade routes he'd worked from Coruscant.  And Mom...her work in the Senate grew harder, and so it followed with her in a way--for she was beginning to lose the easy prestige of the early days, thanks to her insistence that the threat wasn't over and the New Republic didn't dare throw away its military power on the _promise_ of the Imperial remnant not to trouble the galaxy again.

Mom still had _some_ allies and friends, true--old stalwarts like the Senators of Kashyyyk, Mon Cala, and Sullust stayed by her side, but the majority of her remaining allies came from tiny, far-flung Outer Rim worlds like Tatooine, Jedha, and Dantooine...that final barely more than a _colony_ world that had only begun seeing serious settlement again in the days after the Battle of Endor, the only distinction being that Dantooine was self-governing.  In contrast, many settled, civilized, and prestigious worlds like Chandrila, Coruscant, Naboo...even Hosnian Prime itself, were pulling away from Senator Leia Organa, flustered at the 'fearmongering' of the Lone Senator of the Alderaanian Diaspora.

And that...well, it didn't exactly translate favorably for thirteen-year-old Ben into the classroom on Hosnian Prime.  More like Hostility Prime, it had seemed.  How Ben _loathed_ enduring the scornful, patronizing whispers about his mother--'burnt-out Rebel' being among the tamest of insults--and worse, the constant rumor mill about who Dad was supposedly screwing behind Mom's back, every last drop of it nothing but filthy-minded adolescent lies.  That Ben could sense from Dad with the certainty of absolute truth.  But no one else believe that, and even though he longed to exonerate his father once and for all, there was one piece of advice that Mom, Dad, Uncle Luke, _and_ the Guardian in the Dark all agreed on: never, _ever_ advertise just how much he could read in people's minds.  _Until the time is right_ , the Guardian in the Dark had added.  In the end, it had been those lies--those vicious, ripped-from-the-tabloids lies, that had started the downward spiral: all the cruelty of the Chandrilan children mixed with a piquant blend of razor-sharp adolescent wit.

It hadn't been the _first_ incident.  But it had been the worst.  And the last straw.

As the bullying escalated, the increasingly frustrated Ben--who didn't dare tell his parents what was happening this time, not after the disaster on Chandrila--took to _making things happen_ around him whenever the snipes and threats threatened to overwhelm him with their glistening knives into his mind.  A mysterious stumble, a lunch tray ripped out from the hands and onto the ground, a flying pebble to the back of the head where Ben couldn't possibly have thrown it himself the normal way...no one could ever prove anything and it _never_ happened around the teachers, of course, though some began to whisper now that Ben Solo might be cursed, and best to keep one's distance from him.

If only things had _stayed_ fixed in that uneasy detente.

But as the factional tension in the Senate only worsened, some of the teachers started turning a blind eye if the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo found himself the subject of an awful holographic mockery of him snogging a Hutt, or mysteriously tripped when he had his eyes down on a datapad trying to distract himself from attention in the hallway.

_Sneaky, lying hypocrites!_ Ben had exploded inwardly.  _Lazy, blind, good-for-nothing 'pacifists,' all for 'peace' as long as not fighting any wars means they get to kick around the outcasts among their own people just for disagreeing with them!  Oh, and let's not forget their kids--get 'em when they're young!  No, we don't_ dare _blow up a starliner that's gunrunning to the Unknown Regions because there might be kids aboard and we have to take the high ground, but_ sure _, let's beat up a Senator's kid as long as we make sure we use our fists and our words instead of blasters!  Then it's still_ peaceful _protest--what a_ beautiful _celebration of democracy!_  
_  
And so your eyes are opened to the hard truth_ , the Guardian in the Dark--his sole confessor in this battle--had intoned within Ben's mind one night when he'd been able to make contact for a few minutes.

It finally happened the day the Domerel boys--the big Chagrian twins Tol and Jul--tried to jump him in the hallway for some stupid perceived or more likely, manufactured slight that Ben couldn't even remember anymore.  And something in him had snapped.

Ben had finally had it: he'd reached out with the Force and hauled them up into the air, slamming their backs into the lockers and pinning them there as they wriggled frantically three feet off the ground in a futile attempt to escape.  He'd only let go when the Dug assistant principal, Mr. Tarooka, snuck up from behind and yanked him back hard with both feet, breaking Ben's concentration and releasing the Chagrians.

Ben _still_ burned with shame as he thought of it...but more so at the dreadful argument it had led to between his parents after they--and even Uncle Luke, by holo, had gotten done chewing him out for lashing out at other kids with the Force, no matter _what_ they'd been doing.  He'd heard the whole fight...not with his ears, but with his heart, and it weighed like a stone inside.

_He's getting too strong_ , Mom had insisted.  _It's all I could do to keep this off the news, let alone keep Mr. Tarooka from simply_ expelling _Ben for what he did.  And I'm not sure someone's not still sitting on this story so they can let it out at 'the right time'!_

_Well, it's not like he's actually getting any help learning to use his powers in_ this _house!_ Dad had snapped back.  _And_ come on _, Leia, those boys were trying to shove his nose into the back of his brains before he hauled 'em up.  So he got mad!  So he tried to teach 'em a lesson!  He was trying to stop them from ganging up on him!  And_ you're _worried about your_ approval ratings _!_

_Don't tell me you_ seriously _think for one second that I don't care for Ben and want the best for him!  I do!  Enough so that I finally did it--I called Luke.  I'm finally ready to send Ben to that Academy of his.  Luke said he'd be happy to see Ben whenever we're ready to drop him off._

_Whoa, whoa,_ wait _a minute, hon!  You're not telling me we're actually gonna_ leave him there _, are you?  With that whole top-secret 'no visitors' policy Luke's got going on there?  I mean, I get it, he's got to protect his new Jedi while they're still getting off the ground, but come on--I'd put down permanent roots there if I had to--I'd stay--_

_You would be_ miserable _in one place, Han, and you know it.  And no visitors_ means _no visitors--_

_Hey, don't put this on_ me _, princess!  I'm gonna be_ miserable _with my boy gone--_

_He's_ my _boy too!_

_Funny way of showing it sometimes!  You didn't even_ ask _Luke for an exception, did you?_

_Cut the cheap shots, Han!_

_Fine, fine, I'll cut 'em, but I'm pretty sure I just got the answer to my question there!  And as I was_ saying _, I'm gonna be completely miserable with Ben gone, and if you ask me, being stuck in one place, if that one place is with him, is a_ far better _kind of miserable!  I'll take that over shipping Ben off like some_ politically embarrassing _juvenile delinquent any day!  I'd bet the_ Falcon _on it!_

__That had stopped Mom cold.  And Ben too, listening from the darkness of his bedroom. Next to family, and Uncle Chewie, the _Falcon_ was the next most precious thing Dad had.

Mom had finally called Luke to see about the exception.  Dad had, too, when Mom didn't get the answer he'd been hoping for.

And he'd lost.

So here they were, Ben and his dad, on a silent flight in the _Millennium Falcon_ to a secret world in the hidden blackness of the galaxy.  And only one of them would be going home from there.

Not that Uncle Luke was bad.  He'd always been sweet to Ben, and fun, in his quiet, smiling way.  And he _got it_ \--the Force--and he wasn't scared at all of what his black-haired nephew could do.  _That_ part...hanging around with Uncle Luke and getting to spend more time with him, really learning about the Force, and not just the bits and pieces the Guardian in the Dark managed to sneak him on those sporadic occasions when he managed to get in contact with Ben...Ben _did_ kind of look forward to that.  And other Force-sensitive students, too--other kids who might have some kind of idea what he felt, what he went through on a daily basis and might actually see him as something other than a superpowered, hypersensitive freak.

But Dad wouldn't be there when Ben got home from classes.  Dad hadn't been able to prevail against the part of the family that had the Force.  He...hadn't been strong enough.  He couldn't save Ben, and the pain written across his face and across his heart plainly broadcast the fact that he knew it.  It was a hard, bitter disappointment for Ben, one that he couldn't shake in spite of himself.

Nor could he shake the warning he had received just a few nights ago from the Guardian in the Dark.  _Be wary of what Luke Skywalker teaches you_ , the haunting, deep voice had cautioned.  _He will seek to restrain you, to control you, to suffocate the fire in your soul rather than to refine you to your greatest potential.  Be careful to evaluate everything you hear_ \--  And then the Guardian in the Dark had whispered to Ben his secret name, the one that signified his great favor upon him.  _And beware that he not detect my presence or hear of my counsel, or you truly_ will _be alone._

__That idea--that he couldn't even be sure of the motives of gentle, kindly Uncle Luke--even the rare favor the Guardian in the Dark had shown by honoring Ben with his secret name, couldn't lift the pall on his soul, that awful sense that where he went now, he already _did_ go truly and completely alone...carelessly cast away into the stars.

Aboard the _Millennium Falcon_ , a light on the cockpit dashboard flashed and Ben's stomach fell.

This was it.  It was time to drop out of hyperspace.  


**Author's Note:**

> Soundtrack: Mass Effect 3 OST--"[Leaving Earth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aen04HTdUns)", Saltillo--"[I Hate You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6UiGfJcqc0)")
> 
> God, this was a tough story to write...a lot of painful shadows from my own past resurrected here, though not entirely in the same forms.
> 
> For those of you who read Another Set of Eyes (Kylo Ren x Reader), I hope you get a lot out of this look into Ben's past. I think even if you haven't read that ongoing story yet, you'll still get a lot out of this story, especially if you, like me, haven't cared for what's been laid out in the canon novels like Bloodline.


End file.
